Just a few short days ago, a 17 year old boy and a 56 year old man lost their lives in an automobile accident. Its a terrible thing to have to lose a child, no matter what age, and two sets of parents lost their sons on September 1st. I can't begin to imagine how I would feel, how I would cope, how I would even put one foot in front of the other if I lost one of my children. My heart goes out to Gary, Theresa, Sunny and Jennibelle. There are no words, no actions, there is nothing I can say or do to make things better or easier for any of them or their families.
My mom called me last night, we had a long talk. I don't think she will ever understand how I ended up the way I did. But I do think she probably thanks God for everyday I make it through. I want the best for my kids. I want them to get married, have kids of their own and see their grandkids someday. If thats what they want. Isn't that every parent's dream? For one set of parents, part of that dream came true. For another, it became a nightmare.
I just want to say that everytime a tragedy occurs and a child dies, I stop and think about my children and how innocent they still are. I wish sometimes I could put them in a bubble and let them go on like this forever. But we all have to grow up and face our demons. What will my kids end up doing? I don't know, I just know I hope whatever they do, whatever path they travel, they are happy and prosperous. And I don't mean prosperous in the financial sense - although it would be nice to know my kids don't struggle the way I have - I mean prosperous in the purest sense of the word. I hope they have a life full of friends who are true friends and a life full of joy and happiness, with just enough sadness to keep their heads out of the clouds. I don't care where their friends came from or what they do for a living or what crimes they may have committed in the past. Sometimes a person has to go to the bottom of the barrel before they learn how to float. I know I did.
Maybe someday, they can read this and know that no matter what - I love my kids. I'd do anything for them, and I wish I could do more.
I'm not thinking very clearly today, so I'll stop here. Maybe I can clarify a few things in the next couple of days.
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The hardest thing to give to a child is wings.....it's also the hardest thing to accept yourself.......no matter what you do, they will be themselves with a sprinkling of YOU thrown in. When cancer knocked on my door all I kept asking for was to live long enough to see my first grandchild....he's a blessing in every way and worth every operation and every chemo.
Your children will do just fine, they are smart, alert, wide eyed and each has a different personality...but I must say, that youngest really stole my heart, she'll never remember the rockings and the storybook times, but I will....she'll be a beautiful young lady someday.